Gentlemen: Is sex a performance for you?

You know, a lot can be said on how a man describes his sexual encounters with women. And I’ve read an article that has the two sides of my femininity at odds.

I’m of the belief that there are some men, both naturally and for some due to emotional and self esteem issues that some men aren’t meant to be in relationships, are naturally submissive or better suited in Female Led relationships. That’s just the truth. Not everyone can be or wants to be that kind of guy that just knows how to ‘handle’ women. And while I’m sure they’re not in short supply, I don’t want to take this man’s thoughts and make them every man’s.

He says that sex is like a performance, with him expected to be Dominant and to get his partner in the mood. He’s expected to provide her with an orgasm with his penis (which we know is unattainable for some women) before he get’s his. He worries that his loss of erection during sex would be misconstrued as loss of interest, and that maintaining an erection is not often the easiest thing to do. Failing to do so makes him feel like a failure. He finishes by saying:

“It’s not to say that sex isn’t enjoyable. It is very much so. But it’s not enjoyable in the same way that masturbation is, where there is no pressure in any way, just relaxation and enjoyment. This is also one of the reasons that many guys often love blowjobs to completion. It’s nice to have a partnered sexual situation where there is absolutely no pressure on you.”

Like I said I’m very in touch with the duality in my femininity. The more loving Companion side of me sympathizes with this man, and wants to show him how to let go of his obvious insecurities, and just make love to him. Being able to orgasm vaginally, he would get the prize of feeling my body acquiesce to his member. He deserves to not think about his physical limitations, and know that it’s okay, and we’re both getting pleasure from the experience.

My Dominant side, however, is not so lenient. She wants to shackle him down to a fucking machine while he watches her make all the wrong moves with his WoW characters. She wonders why he would have such an issue with pursuing a woman? Why wouldn’t he want to woo her to ‘do’ her? It seems like being released from the pressure of ‘being the man’ would help him to feel better about sex in general. Pssh. Sounds like a sub to me.

I understand that some men just don’t want to have anything to do with a woman unless he’s horny. I get it. I’m here for you. The problem is that these guys have married women who are just glorified maids and baby makers, and these women expect more from the relationship. He couldn’t give two shits about how she feels or what she’s talking about. He puts little to no effort in making her feel wanted, and wonder why he can’t get sex at home. She surprises him with an impromptu BJ, and he rewards her by turning over and going to sleep. He can’t help it. It’s his nature.

As a woman, a Companion and a Domina, it’s my honor to embrace you just the way you are. The only thing our relationship requires is willingness and a proper introduction. But just like any woman, I love being pursued, and wooed. Let me know what you need from me. I love being that non-judgmental zone where a man can explore,  discover and be real with himself.



Filed under Courtesan in bloom, Random Thoughts, Sensuous Me

2 responses to “Gentlemen: Is sex a performance for you?

  1. massuse

    Wow, as a female I sort of have that problem. I am extremely independent. I only desire a man who I consider my intellectual superior. I desire to use my feminine traits, ie looks and sexuality to seduce him. I find myself in long term relationships where my partner basically trades me money for sex. I find intimacy and companionship in sex and I masturbate for an orgasm. I believe this stems from my childhood conditioning where my father left my older, less attractive mother for a young, pretty and sexually alluring woman who he immediately married and provided for her so she did not have to work. My father would visit me very little and would stuff money into my hand in secret, asking me not to let his wife know. I grew up thinking I was ugly and only when I did realized I was not ugly much later in my life I ended up using my looks to gain control over any man I wanted. As a result, my only relationships have been affairs with highly educated married men or men who sought to keep me a secret and had no intention of marrying me. Fortunately, I have the sense to select partners who are caring, loving and respectful with me as I have gotten older.

    Thanks Tiffani for the enlightening post!

    • Thank you, darling for reading!
      I think that desiring your intellectual superior is the mark of an independent woman. And it seems you’ve found your way into the Sugar baby lifestyle without even realizing it! LOL There’s no wonder you have separated the orgasm from sex. Because sex, in a traditionalist sense is you acquiescing to HIM, and in turn, not for you. I’m not saying you don’t enjoy being kissed and held and penetrated, but it serves the purpose of making him happy in your mind.

      I understand and accept the fact that it hurts not being number one in a man’s life, or he doesn’t equally return my affections. As a result, I have a ‘for love or money’ attitude about sex that allows me to let go of any fears or shame to enjoy sex just as much as he does.

      It’s so funny when we realize how we arrive at “now”, isn’t it?

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